I wish I only lived at night.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
