That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
