Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
