Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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