You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
