You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
