i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize