I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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