She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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