she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize