I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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