walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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