And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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