I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
