after a month anything with tits is on the radar
zippers are such a cool invention
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
