I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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