last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
