If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
