i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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