Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The feeling are messing with the penis
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
