if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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