I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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