In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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