it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This house was built for laser tag.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
