I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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