we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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