I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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