In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
