dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
