No stitches, just platelets and will power
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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