I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
