you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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