I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
