Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
