i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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