first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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