I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I could fuck to npr.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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