I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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