just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
