This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
