how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
