my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
