My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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