i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
