i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
