I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
