yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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