; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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