She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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