A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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