Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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