So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
