I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
