And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
