Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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