I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
