I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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