I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
