I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
