i would punch a child for taco bell
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
