"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
