There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
