She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
