I should be sponsored by Trojan
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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