dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Randomize
