I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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