Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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