Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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