i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
