just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
