Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize